Going into the next sophomore semester I find myself as undecided on its merits as I was when it started. As might be expected, I wasn't pleased at my grades. I have a penchant for scraping at the edges. In the same way that other humans become irrational about blistering past the four-point-five bulwark, if they did or not, the sight of them taking each other to pieces makes for some self-vilification. Lampoons aside, it made me feel schizophrenic. Half of me is going ‘Everything apart from myself seems terribly stupid’, but the other half is going ‘Did you see that? That string of As! It could have been you!'
I feel rather guilty (well, guiltier) about watching Anime that look so good: the fight-scene animations, awesome artwork designs and the 1080i broadcast qualities are great, even if my papers are but a day away. Whatever technology it is which is used to produce it has reached the point where it feels like I'm wasting my life and my future away. [Bakemonogatari is the epitome of animation visuals right now, despite stiff competition from the Gundam franchises.. Inasmuch as it sold more than thousands of bluray copies on a single day it’s no surprise that they’re making an effort]
Despite being beautiful it somehow feels empty. And yet. There’s still the potential for me to outdo myself. If the same level of determination is maintained, and on top of that something is actually done to consistency where it matters, then I’ll be as happy as a hippo in mud. There’s a lot of mileage in the fundamental concept of being determined, in the sight of yk-a-mugging, Edison trying (well, trying) to attempt to right the world, a sight neatly undercut by the rather broken nature of jy and his tricks.. I'm rambling, but the jury is still firmly out. It’s rare for me to feel this ambivalent about myself after three semesters, but there you go.